Sunday Surf: Weeds and Poetry

Here I am yesterday, all covered in grass.
Many thanks to my brother for taking this photo.

I spent the better part of yesterday afternoon cutting down tall grass and weeds in our back yard with a large weed eater we rented from a local shop. I kept unearthing new and interesting things in the yard: a section of a 2x4", a shingle, pieces of brick, a 4' metal post anchored in the ground and bent sideways.

Working on the yard has been meditative for me in a way I truly didn't expect. I feel like we're slowly reclaiming this property after years of misuse and abuse, dedicating it to a new phase of its history. It feels so good that I'm planning on doing it again all day today!

Another thing I did yesterday was to publish this giveaway of two copies of my friend Lauren's poetry book, Poetry of a Hobo Mama. As national poetry month comes to a close and as Mothers' Day draws near, it's a perfect time to add Lauren's book to your library. Poetry of a Hobo Mama would make a lovely addition to your poetry collection or a wonderful gift for a special mother in your life.

I hope you'll take time to read how much Lauren's writing has touched my life, then enter to win one of her books!

Here are a few of the great things I've read lately:

Sunday Surf: Sick Days & Reorganization

Family hugs make everything better!

We're going through a bit of a rough patch lately. Daniel hasn't been sleeping well during nap or nighttime, and he's begun to experience night terrors. Also, I've got shingles (again), and as such, I've been feeling rather under the weather lately. I'm very hopeful that we'll all turn a corner soon and things will start to get a little easier again. Here's to that!

We're moving soon, so we're starting to go through everything around here and try to get somewhat organized in preparation for the (fast-approaching) packing phase. Since I've been feeling ill, I've not been quite as productive as I've wanted, but that's alright. I can't seem to get out of the organizational mindset though, so even during my resting time I was dreaming up new ways to get organized so I can get back into writing Sunday Surf posts again. I'm going to do my best to keep doing this, even if it's only a couple of links per week!

Here are a few of the great things I've read lately:

Dr. Oz on Circumcision

I don't generally watch the Dr. Oz Show. I used to like him very much, when he was on Oprah, but the new show is a little much for me. I think it's a great thing he does, educating people about their bodies and how they can be healthier. I think an informed patient is a safer, healthier patient.

I tuned in today to the Dr. Oz Show to see what he was going to say about the proposed San Fransisco Circumcision ban. The measure, which requires 7,000 signatures to make it on to the ballot next November, would make it a misdemeanor to "circumcise, excise, cut, or mutilate" the genitals of all minors, and does not make exceptions for religious reasons.

On the show today, circumcision was brought up in the context of this bill during a segment (that I gather is a recurring one) called "The Pulse," which addresses the "hottest health news" with a panel of experts to weigh in with their opinions along with Dr. Oz. He introduced the three other doctors: a Psychiatrist, an OB/GYN, and a Pediatrician. Then, he started by saying, "Here's the deal: circumcision reduces the liklihood of receiving and transmitting sexually transmitted illnesses during unprotected sex." He proceeded to bring a woman wearing a turtleneck onto the stage, had her pull the neck up over her head, effectively turning her into an intact penis. He then dumped a jar of large paper confetti on her to illustrate "bacteria, viruses, other issues that might get into a penis," showing that some of it gets trapped under the pretend foreskin. After that, Dr. Oz pulled a thread out of the turtleneck which removed the top portion of the neck of the shirt, effectively "circumcising" her and exposing all of the "issues" that the prepuce trapped inside. Voilà! All is well in the world when we circumcise.

The experts weighed in on what they thought about the issue (I will summarize). The Pediatrician said it's a personal choice people have to make for their own family, but that we don't want to propagate disease, that's the most important thing, and finally that kids want to look like their dads. The Psychiatrist said that parents need to make those choices, but we don't want to give a false sense of security about circumcised penises. The OB/GYN said that with respect to how it affects women, it's an issue for them because they'll have to make these decisions for their children, it's a sexual health issue because of exposure to disease, and it's a cosmetic issue. The segment ended as they all seemed to agree that the decision was a personal one and should not be interfered with by the government.

They brought up a few main points: circumcising to prevent spread of disease, circumcising so the child will "look like Dad," and circumcising for cosmetic purposes.

Disease Prevention

First, and this was the one that was emphasized over and over on the Dr. Oz show today: prevention of infection by and transmission of sexually transmitted infections. From Birth Sense: "The World Health Organization, the Joint United Nations Programme on HIV/AIDS, and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention state that circumcision provides minimal protection and does not eliminate the need to use a condom to prevent transmission of HIV." Some studies have shown a decrease in STDs and HIV in uncircumcised men, but not all studies have supported that circumcision decreases STD transmission.

One of the problems with these studies (particularly the ones focused on infection with HIV) is that they've been done on populations that aren't directly comparable to the general American public. For instance, one widely-publicized study on HIV transmission was done on African men in developing countries. The study looked at men who were circumcised as adults as a measure to protect against HIV infection and transmission, and it found there was a decrease in infection, but with a 40% failure rate. Even if the studies were statistically sound, which they were not, the failure rate is much too high to support the use of circumcision to prevent STDs. For comparison, the failure rate of a male condom is 3-14%, and in those instances, infection is merely possible, not guaranteed.

Other studies, however, have shown the exact opposite: that HIV infection in adult African men was greater in those who were circumcised (purportedly because of a decrease in condom usage among this population, since they thought they were "protected" by being circumcised). It's not scientifically sound to compare two populations that are not alike (adult men from developing countries and infant males in developed countries). Even if circumcision of adult men in developing countries prevents the spread of STDs, that's not sufficient evidence for routine circumcision of infant males in developed countries.

Let's assume for a moment, that circumcision does, in fact, prevent the spread of HIV and other sexually transmitted infections. Then, logically we could conclude that populations with the highest percentage of circumcised men would have the lowest incidence of STDs, right? Wrong. As Peaceful parenting points out, the United States has the highest circumcision rate and also the highest incidence of STDs (including HIV) of any Western nation. "Developed nations where 98-99% of their boys/men remain intact have the lowest rates of STDs (including HIV). If circumcision "protected" against diseases,... we would not see these figures to such an extreme and obvious degree."

Frankly, I think the key here is that we're talking about unprotected sex...which no one should be having unless: 1. They're in a committed relationship with 2. someone they trust and are 3. alright with getting pregnant. Everyone else should be using condoms when they have sex. Every single time.

Condoms prevent the spread of HIV and other STDs, as well as being faithful to one partner or abstaining from sex. Circumcision does not.

Looking Like Dad

I have to say, this is one reason I've never understood for circumcising babies. Infant and little boy penises don't look like adult man penises, no matter if they have a foreskin or not, because they're not sexually mature. So why would we perform non-medically-indicated surgery on babies to make them "look like Dad"? By the time their genitals have the potential to look like their fathers', they're probably not going to be seeing each other naked.

I imagine that the moment when an intact child realizes he looks "different" from his dad isn't that big of a deal. The son asks "Why?" and the father says, "Because I'm circumcised and you're not. We kept you whole." Then, the moment is over. What's the big deal about having "matching" genitals? We don't surgically alter baby girls' labia to match their Moms'!

Furthermore, we all look different from each other in lots of ways. In my mind, there's no reason to subject newborns to unnecessary surgery in order to ensure that they look more like their fathers...but just in the pants.

Cosmetic Reasons

Routine infant circumcision is pretty much a uniquely American thing. In the United States last year, the circumcision rate dropped to 33%, down from 56% in 2006. If you're worried your kid is going to be made fun of in gym class (I was never naked in gym class, and I'm sure they're even more strict about it nowadays) know that he'll be in the minority if you get him circumcised. He'll be even more in the minority if you ever travel out of this country, even to Canada. There are millions of sexual partners of uncut men worldwide who can attest to the fact that there's absolutely nothing off-putting or sexually unattractive about a penis that hasn't been through cosmetic surgery.

You can be arrested for tattooing your children. Experts question whether teens are too young to undergo cosmetic surgery for a crooked nose or ears that stick out. So why are our newborn infants old enough to have perfectly functioning body parts amputated for cosmetic reasons? And more importantly, how can they give consent?

Obviously, they can't. We wouldn't give a brand new baby a rhinoplasty ("nose job") simply because we thought maybe some day someone might make fun of her, or a future romantic partner wouldn't find her as desirable. If the reason we're circumcising our babies is because it's prettier that way, why not let our sons decide what they think of their own penises when they are old enough to elect to have the surgery and then consent to it without a parent's signature.

Conclusions

I am obviously anti-circumcision for many reasons, not just those I've outlined here. My husband and I chose to leave our son whole.

I think The Dr. Oz Show did a poor job of providing the American people with accurate facts on routine infant circumcision. I believe that, since Dr. Oz is an influential person and a medical professional, he has an obligation to provide people with the most accurate and balanced information available, regardless of his personal opinion on the subject. This is especially true when he's advocating for a medical procedure that is not recommended by the Centers for Disease Control or the American Academy of Pediatrics. In fact, no medical organization in the world recommends routine infant circumcision.

We now know that babies do feel pain that is unrelieved by simply giving them sugar water. (Surprising, I know, but now we have research to prove it!) Anesthetic is not required to be used for infant circumcision surgery, and that's wrong. A 2006 study revealed that of programs that taught administration of topical or local anesthetic for circumcision surgery, only 84% used anesthetic "frequently or always" when the procedure was conducted.

We can do better by our sons, and I think we're beginning to. Americans are obviously starting to come around to realize how unnecessary this procedure really is, as evidenced by the sharp decrease in circumcision rates over the past few years. Many Jewish families are opting for a Brit Shalom (Covenant of Peace) in lieu of the traditional Brit Milah (Covenant of Circumcision), since they feel circumcision is unnecessary. Here, read a Jewish father's letter to his son about their Covenant of Peace.

What I've written here is in no way meant to blame or look down upon those who have chosen to circumcise their sons. I know several families who have multiple sons, the older of whom are circumcised, and the youngest of whom were left intact. This perfectly illustrates where I think (and hope) we're moving with circumcision: we thought it was alright, but now we know it's not.

Maya Angelou once said, "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, you do better." I know we're all doing the best we can. But now we know better. Let's do better.

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For more information on circumcision in general, check out Code Name: Mama's series on researching circumcision: Part One, about the functions of the foreskin, Part Two about the circumcision procedure itself, and Part Three, about common concerns/myths about circumcision. For more resources about Judiaism and circumcision, visit Peaceful Parenting.

A Private Matter

Welcome to the November Carnival of Natural Parenting: What is natural parenting?

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our Carnival coincides with the launch of Natural Parents Network, a community of parents and parents-to-be who practice or are interested in attachment parenting and natural family living. Join us at Natural Parents Network to be informed, empowered, and inspired!

Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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I've been so reluctant to write about this since my son's birth, but I feel like it's time. I keep asking myself why I'm feeling apprehensive about it, because I'm generally very good at expressing my opinion.

I think I've figured out the reason for my hesitation: I don't want to write about it because it's private. It's not about me, so I feel like maybe I shouldn't discuss it. But it was (half) my decision, and about half of all new parents have to make this decision, so it's worth discussing.

What am I talking about? Circumcision.

Before very recently, I wouldn't have called myself an "intactivist," but I think perhaps it fits me better than I'd like to admit. For now, maybe I'll call myself a "hesitant intactivist" instead. Here's a little about how I've come to feel the way I do today about circumcision:

Part One: Class
I'm a Registered Nurse. Four years at a liberal arts college and one ridiculously hard licensing exam and I can call myself that. Prior to entering nursing school and beginning my clinical rotations (or getting my job as a nurse's aide), I hadn't seen many naked people, certainly not males. Of course, I understood the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised (intact) penises from my textbooks. I didn't really have an opinion on the subject; in fact, I hadn't given it much thought at all.

One day in a reproductive anatomy and physiology lecture, my professor (who was a medical doctor and also a Catholic priest) started talking about circumcision. I remember feeling awkward as he stood in front of a room full of young women and scoffed about how, "There are women out there who are trying to save the foreskins! Like that's a worthy cause." As I think back on it now, I wish I could look around the room and read the other women's faces around me. There we were, future child-bearers, listening to this wise educator tell us how positively ridiculous it is to leave a baby boy intact.

I remember a couple of other professors bringing the topic up in a different context: providing hygiene to uncircumcised elderly men. The over-arching lesson there was that we should all circumcise our babies so that the nurses who take care of them when they're old men won't have to pull back the foreskin during a bed bath. The fear of finding someone who was unclean was the motivating factor. I realize now that this is a symptom of the gross lack of respect for our elders in this country. We fail to provide many of them (dare I say most?) with the kind of consistent, affordable, loving care that they need to keep their daily needs met.

Part Two: Clinical Rotation
Later that year, I was in my "Mother/Baby" clinical (labor and delivery, postpartum, lactation consulting, postpartum home health). I had always been fascinated with birth, and I have seriously considered continuing my schooling to become a Nurse-Midwife. I remember seeing birth for the first time in person. I was literally holding on to another nursing student as we watched this beautiful baby boy come into the world. I still remember his name. To this day, I feel overwhelmed thinking about how his mother gave us such a huge gift by allowing us to be there to witness that moment.

The next week, I was in the post-partum unit working with a different nursing student, and our clinical instructor told us we'd be watching a circumcision. We helped the nurse bring four precious, tiny baby boys back to the "Circ Room" in the nursery. This room was a small enclosure with windows on all sides within the larger nursery (which was now mostly used for storage since rooming-in had become the norm). The nurse strapped each of the four babies down to individual plastic boards, securing their arms and legs with velcro straps. A couple of them were already crying. The other student nurse and I watched from the nursery, outside the little room. I understood the procedure from a textbook perspective, but still, I didn't know what to expect.

The doctor swept into the tiny room in a hurry, and got right to business. He worked his way in a circle, quickly injecting each boy's penis with Lidocaine: one, two, three, four. All of the babies were screaming by that point. Then, he started over at the beginning—hardly giving the anesthetic any time to take effect—and began to cut. I was horrified. Then, what happened next was what really made the experience stick in my head forever: He finished with the last baby, propped up the board the little one was strapped to so we could see more clearly, and gestured to his bleeding penis. He looked at us, two young women and said, "Now that looks more familiar to ya, doesn't it?" and he winked. What a pig! My mouth fell open and I blushed, not knowing what to do. He laughed and left the room so the nurse could clean up his mess. I could never make eye-contact with him again after that day.

I went back to my dorm that afternoon having decided that if I ever had the opportunity to see a circumcision again, I would refuse. Furthermore, I decided that if I ever found myself in a capacity to be performing the surgery, I would refuse to do it for personal, ethical reasons. It just seemed so wrong. In that moment, I didn't think much about what would happen if I someday gave birth to a baby boy. I'm sure somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that if it felt wrong to do that to someone else's baby, I certainly would not allow someone to do it to mine.

Part Three: My Turn
When I got pregnant, my husband and I had a brief discussion that went something like this: I said, "If we have a boy, we're not going to circumcise him." Then Jaymz said, "Yeah, I know, why would we do that? It's wrong to cut on babies for no reason." End of discussion.

Many months later, our baby was born, and—surprise—he was a boy! He was incredibly beautiful and perfectly made just exactly the way he grew inside me.

We had chosen to have a home birth with midwives so that I could have autonomy, so that I could feel safe and comfortable and never have to fight for the kind of birth we wanted to have. I know what happens in the hospital. I didn't want anyone cutting into my reproductive organs without very good reason. In the same way, I wasn't going to let anyone cut on my amazing little child. It ended up being a non-issue, a non-decision. We did nothing, but sometimes doing nothing can be very important.

Our baby boys deserve genital integrity just as much as our baby girls do. And I've decided, I don't care who makes fun of me or thinks my cause is ridiculous: it's definitely worth fighting for.

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Stop by Natural Parents Network today to see excerpts from everyone's posts, and please visit a few to read more! Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants. Three of the participants below will instead be featured on Natural Parents Network throughout the month, so check back at NPN!

This list will be updated by afternoon November 9 with all the carnival links. We've arranged it this month according to the categories of our NPN resource pages on "What Is Natural Parenting?"

Attachment/Responsive Parenting

Attachment/responsive parenting is generally considered to include the following (descriptions/lists are not exhaustive; please follow each link to learn more):

1. PREPARE FOR PREGNANCY, BIRTH, AND PARENTING:
   • "Preparing for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting" — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes knows better now how to prepare for her second baby, focusing on attachment rather than nursery curtains. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 23. (@sheryljesin)
   • "Begin at the Beginning" — Alison at BluebirdMama examines the first type of natural parenting she experienced: birthing at home. (@BluebirdMama)
2. FEED WITH LOVE AND RESPECT:
   • "Going With the {Tandem Milk} Flow" — Despite being told she would never be able to nurse her toddler through pregnancy, Jessika at Job Description: Mommy successfully nursed through her entire pregnancy, and she continues tandem nursing her two little ones fifteen months later! (@JobDescMommy)
   • "Breastfeeding with Love and Respect" — Resisting the pressure to give up, breastfeeding was the way Dionna at NursingFreedom.org persisted in nourishing her son. (@NursingFreedom)
   • "Why Should I Call It Extended?" — Amy at Toddler In Tow provides scientifically based research to support child-led weaning.
3. RESPOND WITH SENSITIVITY:
   • "Attachment Parenting Chose Us" — For a child who is born "sensitive," attachment parenting is more a way of life than a parenting "choice." Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares her experiences. (@CodeNameMama)
   • "Parenting in the Present" — Acacia at Be Present Mama parents naturally by being fully present.
   • "Parenting With Heart" — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment parents naturally because healthy attachments early in life help our little ones grow into healthy, functioning adults.
4. USE NURTURING TOUCH:
   • "Nurturing through touch" — Lauren at Hobo Mama finds that loving touch is a thread that runs through all her natural parenting practices. (@Hobo_Mama)
5. ENSURE SAFE SLEEP:
   • "Sometimes I Wish We Coslept" — Sheila at A Gift Universe has started to add cosleeping into her sleep routines and has found frequently unspoken benefits. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 30. (@agiftuniverse)
6. PROVIDE CONSISTENT AND LOVING CARE:
   • "Attachment Parenting . . . and Nanny Makes Three?" — When Jen at Grow with Graces first started interviewing nannies, she was looking for practicalities. After a few months with her first nanny, she's going to hire someone new, and this time, she'll make sure the nanny believes in AP principles. (@growwithgraces)
   • "Do You Have This?" — For Rachael at The Variegated Life, natural parenting is about love and giving, rather than the alienation and longing present in so many in our Western culture. (@RachaelNevins)
   • "What Natural Parenting Looks Like in Our Family" — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker shares what natural parenting is like as your little ones grow up.
7. PRACTICE GENTLE/POSITIVE DISCIPLINE:
   • "Unconditional Parenting" — The philosophy of Alfie Kohn resonates with Erin at Multiple Musings, who does not want to parent (or teach) using rewards and punishment. (@ErinLittle)
8. STRIVE FOR BALANCE IN PERSONAL AND FAMILY LIFE:
   • "Reducing Screen Time" — How does Mrs. H. at Fleeting Moments meaningfully connect with her kids every day? She turns off the TV.
   • Also see our October Carnival all about finding balance!

Ecological Responsibility and Love of Nature

• "Healing Through Elimination Communication Part 1" — Amy at Innate Parenting explains how practicing elimination communication has helped her whole family gain awareness and healing in many areas of their lives. (@InnateWholeness)
• "Growing Out of Little Potties" — Stacy at Mama-Om is proud to be the "weird lady" who practices elimination communication with her babies. (@mama_om)
• "Let's Talk Diapers" — Lindsey at Mama Cum Laude started using cloth diapers because she felt they were a safer choice for her child; she stuck with them because they are convenient.

Holistic Health Practices

• "Supporting Natural Immunity" — If you have decided against the traditional vaccination schedule, Starr at Earth Mama has some helpful tips for strengthening your children's immune systems naturally.

Natural Learning

• "Acceptance as a Key to Natural Parenting" — Because Mrs. Green at Little Green Blog values accepting and responding to her daughter's needs, she was able to unravel the mystery of her daughter's learning "challenges." (@myzerowaste)
• "Let Them Look" — Betsy at Honest 2 Betsy makes time to look at, to touch, and to drool on the pinecones.
• "Why I Love Unschooling" — Unschooling isn't just about learning for Darcel at The Mahogany Way — it is a way of life. (@MahoganyWayMama)
• "Is He Already Behind?"Ever worry that your baby or toddler is behind the curve? Danielle at born.in.japan will reassure you about the many ways your little one is learning — naturally — every day. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 16. (@borninjp)
• "How to Help Your Child through Natural Learning" — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now offers tips on how to understand and nurture your child's natural learning style. (@DebChitwood)

Healthy Living

• "What 'Healthy Eating' Means to Me" — Wonder how a family of five makes healthy eating a priority? Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings shares some common sense tips. (@sunfrog)
• "What is Natural Parenting? Embracing Real Food" — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! has always wanted to give her children the most nutritious foods possible: first through breastfeeding, and later through healthy, whole foods. (@bfmom)

Parenting Philosophies

• "Natural Parenting — Lazy Parenting" — To Olivia at Write About Birth, natural parenting isn't about a fixed set of ideals, but about what is instinctual. (@writeaboutbirth)
• "I'm not the most crunchy, but I'm still au naturel" — Jessica at This is Worthwhile follows her gut and parents with respect, and that's what feels natural to her. (@tisworthwhile)
• "Because Natural comes Naturally" — Breastfeeding, babywearing, cosleeping — Bess at mommakesmilk does these things because they feel right. (@MumtoEve)
• "What Do You Mean 'Natural Parenting'?" — Luschka at Diary of a First Child fell into natural parenting by listening to her baby and her own instincts. (@lvano)
• "One Little Change at a Time" — Ashley at Domestic Chaos made one small change at a time until "natural parenting" wasn't a punchline, but a way of life. (@ashleympoland)
• "WHY Attachment Parenting?" — While they might take some work to put into practice, Momma Jorje at A Slightly Crunchy Momma finds that all of the tenets of attachment parenting fit her family.
• "Yours, Respectfully" — For Kellie at Our Mindful Life, natural parenting is about being respectful: to yourself, your children, and your surroundings.
• "The Natural Parenting Label" — Michelle at The Parent Vortex explains that natural parenting is a mindset, not a set of specific choices or a few fancy acronyms. (@TheParentVortex)
• "When Our Children Are Grown" — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children parents naturally, because she is building a firm foundation for her children.
• "What is Natural Parenting to a Witch Mom?" — Lily at Witch Mom has planned out what she wants for her son, from health to socialization to interactions with the natural world. (@lilyshahar)
• "Attachment Parenting and Our Family" — Semi-crunchy Mama at Adventures in Mommyhood takes us through the way the Baby Bs have transformed their family of four. (@crunchymamato2)
• "I'm a Mama...Naturally" — Andrea!!! at Ella-Bean & Co. didn't intend to parent naturally, but it happened by instinct.

Political and Social Activism

• "A Private Matter" — Amy at Anktangle, who is a Registered Nurse, describes her encounters with circumcision in a medical environment and why they guided her decision to leave her own baby boy intact. (@anktangle)
• "Natural Parenting, Following Our Instincts, and Keeping Our Son Intact" — Kelly at KellyNaturally went against the tide and refused to circumcise her son. (@kellynaturally)
• "Relying on Kindness" — Sure, Navelgazing Bajan at Navelgazing wants her son to be kind — but kindness is not enough. (@BlkWmnDoBF)