Mom, I am.

Welcome to the I Am Mom! Enough! Carnival hosted by Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama and Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children. This Carnival is dedicated to empowering ALL parents who practice and promote and peaceful, loving, attachment parenting philosophy. We have asked other parents to help us show the critics and the naysayers that attachment parenting is beautiful, uplifting, and unbelievably beneficial and NORMAL!

In addition to the Carnival, Joni from Tales of a Kitchen Witch and Jennifer from True Confessions of a Real Mommy are co-hosting a Linky Party. Please stop by either blog to share any of your posts on the topic.

Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants. Post topics are wide and varied and every one is worth a read.

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Parenting beliefs are like religion: lots of people have them, it's easy to get in an argument about them, and no two people are wrong.

Yep, you read that right: regardless of what (spiritual or parenting) path you're on, I don't believe you're doing it wrong.

Life (to me) just isn't that black and white.

No one person has the right answer, the magic solution, the perfect approach to life for all other people on this Earth. There is just far too much diversity (thank goodness!) for that to ever ring true to me. Each unique person has the power to explore and discover for herself what works best for her and their family, what resonates with her, and what feels most authentic to her as a parent, an individual, and a human being.

Dear Daniel, (On Discipline and Love)

Welcome to the Spank Out Day 2012 Carnival

This post was written for inclusion in the Second Annual Spank Out Day Carnival hosted by Zoie at TouchstoneZ. Spank Out Day was created by The Center for Effective Discipline to give attention to the need to end corporal punishment of children and to promote non-violent ways of teaching children appropriate behavior. All parents, guardians, and caregivers are encouraged to refrain from hitting children on April 30th each year, and to seek alternative methods of discipline through programs available in community agencies, churches and schools. 

Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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Dear Daniel,

There are a lot of choices in life, and when you're an adult you have both the privilege and burden of making all of life's decisions for yourself. While you're still a child, though, there are a lot of things that get decided for you. I know from experience how hard it can be to not have as many rights as other people, which is why your Papa and I do our best to give you as much freedom, choice, and control as is practical and safe in any given moment.

You get to choose how to use your hands,
just as Papa and I choose how to use ours.

One of the choices Papa and I have as adults (who are parents) is how to discipline you. "Discipline" is a big word and it may sound kind of scary, but its root meaning is "to teach." Among other things, it is a parent's job to teach her children: about respect, rules, safety...about most everything in life.

Papa and I choose to teach you by example: with compassion, empathy, understanding, and most of all, with unconditional love. That means we love you all the time, no matter what.

Giveaway: Poetry of a Hobo Mama Parenting Poetry — $12 ARV — 2 WINNERS! {5.14; Worldwide}

This is a joint giveaway with Anktangle and Natural Parents Network. Please enter at one site only. Find the section marked "Win it!" for the mandatory entry and optional bonus entries.

Lauren of Hobo Mama is offering a giveaway of TWO copies of her parenting poetry book, Poetry of a Hobo Mama: The First Three Years. Each retails for $11.99, giving this giveaway a combined value of nearly $24.

Poetry of a Hobo Mama is a collection of poems by Lauren Wayne, inspired by the initial three years of parenting her firstborn son, Mikko.

About the book

I sling my baby like a bindle on my back,

tramping along the tracks

countless feet have worn before.

Poetry of a Hobo Mama contains three years' worth of parenting poetry, written from the time Lauren and her husband, Sam, were preparing for Mikko, through watching him grow to three years old. She has included poems that speak of their natural parenting journey — breastfeeding, the family bed, elimination communication, and natural birth among them.

The book is a combination of free verse and more traditional poetry forms, and the topics and tone run through all the variations the poet felt when writing them: the grief of miscarriage, the anticipation of trying to conceive, the upheaval of the newborn months, the joy of parenting, and the balance of motherhood and personal passion.

Until you move away


Pillow hog and space eater,

chubby legs kicking my thighs.

Starfish hands pushing my chest

and unh unh unh in the darkness

until I roll over and let you feed.

Dream interrupter, devourer of sleep,

you take while I wait

until you move away.



Lap hog and attention seeker,

sturdy body invading my space.

Starfish hand pulling my chin

to meet your gray-green eyes,

your chatter about octopi.

Poem interrupter, devourer of time,

you talk while I wait

until you move away.



Imagining a night with full sleep,

imagining a day with concentration,

uninterrupted, unrelenting,

unleavened.

Dreading the day

you move away.

My review

I cannot say enough about this book! Written by my dear friend Lauren, it chronicles three years on her path of motherhood. The collection includes poems about miscarriage, conception, pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, cosleeping, babywearing, and all the monotony and hilarity that comes with becoming a parent.

I've been a fan of Lauren's writing since well before I knew her personally, because her writing is just so incredibly easy to relate to. There's no pretending and no putting on airs or avoiding the touchy and controversial subjects, only the reality of her life as a wife, mother, and woman. She reveals her true self through her words: the humor and wit, the wisdom and growth, even the taboo and painful parts. 

Lauren's poetry (in particular) touches me deeply. I envy her ability to express such universal and personal feelings about parenthood and mothering with such beauty and fluidity. Her poetry reminds me of where I've been and gives me insights into where I've yet to go on my mothering journey. Reading her poems even inspires me to write more.

This is a beautiful, funny, truth-filled collection that I believe would resonate with any mother. The focus on Lauren's experiences as an attachment-focused parent gives it a unique perspective which any parent on the natural parenting spectrum could appreciate. But it's not just for the "crunchy" mama in your life; it's truly about the human experience: about life and love, about laughter and loss. It's about the joyfully heart-wrenching reality of loving someone as deeply and fully as a parent loves her child.

I'll leave you with this:

Separation Anxiety


Clinging like a monkey

and your wails following me like guilt

to the coffeeshop down the street,

where I write my novel

and count the minutes

till I pick you up again.


Will you become the child

who lets go of her mother's hand

without a backward glance

and runs to greet her friends?


And am I ready for you to?

About the author

Lauren Wayne lives and writes in the Pacific Northwestern USA, with her husband, Sam, and their two sweet boys: four-year-old Mikko (almost five, he would tell you!) and ten-month-old baby Alrik (who persistently makes the concerned face you see in the picture at right). She has been writing and publishing poetry for twenty-five years, but parenting has added even more inspiration. Poetry allows her to be honest about her emotional journey and to show an image, pin down a feeling, in a way that other writing does not.

Lauren blogs at Hobo Mama about natural and attachment parenting, and gives a behind-the-scenes look at writing at LaurenWayne.com. She co-hosts the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting and is a cofounder of Natural Parents Network, a site that brings together attachment parents interested in a natural lifestyle.

Lauren and Mikko grace the book's cover — that's Lauren and Mikko breastfeeding in public on a Seattle beach when Mikko was just a few months old.

BUY IT!

You can purchase your own copy of Poetry of a Hobo Mama at Amazon and CreateSpace. It's available internationally and on Kindle through Amazon. The list price is $11.99 for the paperback and $9.99 for the ebook.

Just for our readers, Lauren is offering a 20% discount on all book orders through CreateSpace only. (Amazon unfortunately won't allow coupon codes.) Enter code SAP84AYJ during the ordering process.

WIN IT!

For your own chance to win one of two copies of Poetry of a Hobo Mama, enter by leaving a comment and using the Rafflecopter system below.

Contest is open WORLDWIDE.

MANDATORY ENTRY: Leave a comment telling us: What is your favorite poet or poem?

Leave a valid email address so we can contact you if you win. Email addresses in Rafflecopter are not made publicly visible. Please leave the same valid email address in your mandatory comment so we can verify entries.

Since this is a joint giveaway, the Rafflecopter form is the same across each site. You may enter at one site only, but please do visit and enjoy both sites!


BONUS ENTRIES:

See the Rafflecopter entry system for bonus entries to increase your chance of winning after completing the mandatory entry. Bonus entries are entered through Rafflecopter. Give it a try, and email or leave a comment if you have any questions!

Routine Battles

Welcome to the April 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Kids and Personal Care

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared stories, tips, and struggles relating to their children's personal care choices.

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Daniel has been struggling a lot lately with personal care activities (such as teeth brushing, hand washing, using the potty) because of the changes from our recent move. As a result, I wasn't feeling particularly insightful about this month's carnival topic! Thankfully, my friend Jorje of Momma Jorje offered to share a trick that's working for her and her daughter Sasha these days. Please read to the bottom to learn more about today's guest writer.

It wasn't until our recent move that I finally got a good, steady routine going with Sasha. We now brush teeth and hair as well as go potty before bed. The potty part was the hardest for me to remember! I just GO when I have to go.

I had night weaned her only recently, so she was no longer waking to nurse. She would wake to pee, though, or even wet the bed if I didn't make sure she went before going to sleep.

Not long after the move, I started limiting bed time nursing to only 10 minutes. This occasionally made for battles, too, as she is learning to fall asleep without a nipple in her mouth.

And that is the short story background to get to this: sometimes we have tooth-brushing battles. She loves to "brush" her own teeth, but would fight letting me brush them. I am sad to say that I have argued and yelled at her. The only thing that seemed to work was threatening to not let her nurse before bed. I even tucked her into bed a few times before getting her to let me brush her teeth! I felt awful about it, though. That is not the parent I want to be.

Tearing A Child Down Will Not Build Him Up

I'm honored to host today's guest post from Dionna at Code Name: Mama, all about how to get through those tough moments with our children without being hurtful or tearing our children down in the process. Please read to the bottom to learn more about today's lovely guest writer.

I recently saw a quote (from positive discipline enthusiast Jane Nelson) that resonated with me^[1]:

Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?

Sunday Surf: Birthing & Gentle Discipline

Jaymz and I signed the papers (and put money down) for our new house this week. It was very exciting! BUT the official closing date has been moved back until early next week, so we don't get the keys until then, which is kind of a bummer.

Late this week I met the appliance delivery people at the new house to observe them putting the new appliances (refrigerator, washer, and dryer) into the house. It felt a little weird to be standing around in the empty house watching them work, but it was really fun to see our shiny new things getting settled into their new places.

This is the first time Jaymz and I have owned any large appliances (besides our chest freezer, which is also a relatively recent addition). We picked them out on a (rainy) Saturday during Daniel's nap, without any advanced planning or research whatsoever. I have to say, it was quite a strange feeling to be in a room full of warm, empty refrigerators: debating their ins, outs, and what-have-yous.

On that note, here are a few of the great things I've read lately:

Peaceful Toddler Discipline: "Take me to the limit!"

While I strive to be a gentle parent, peaceful discipline—particularly, maintaining a calm, patient demeanor—is one of the most challenging aspects of parenting for me. As a person who was raised by parents with a very different philosophy of discipline (spanking), I've not had many personal experiences with or examples of this approach to discipline.

I do my very best, but I know I always have room for improvement, especially in this area of my parenting. This is one of the many reason why I'm happy to host today's guest post from Amy of Toddler in Tow, which is all about peacefully disciplining a toddler: using gentle, directive language, consistency, and intention. Read to the bottom to learn more about today's talented guest blogger.

"...put me on a highway – And show me a sign. And take it to the limit one more time..."

I am really on a music lyrics roll . . . but truly, imagine driving on a highway. There are two major influences from which we take our cues: Traffic signs, and the other drivers. It's the same way for children when they are learning about natural consequences, social behaviors, and appropriate and moral "do"s and "don't"s. They watch us (parents and other caregivers) for consistent signs about what to do and how to act, and they gauge how they're doing by the responses that they get from other children (the "other drivers" in our highway metaphor).

Just as a driver can go from pleasant to just plain P-O-ed when another driver cuts him off, tailgates, or speeds by, so can children go from pleasant to aggravated when confronted with the behavior of a playmate. And just as we tend to follow other drivers to choose the speed to use (ignoring highway signs a lot of the time), so children will follow the behaviors of other children or family members (ignoring direction from their caregiver/parent).

Sunday Surf: Sick Days & Reorganization

Family hugs make everything better!

We're going through a bit of a rough patch lately. Daniel hasn't been sleeping well during nap or nighttime, and he's begun to experience night terrors. Also, I've got shingles (again), and as such, I've been feeling rather under the weather lately. I'm very hopeful that we'll all turn a corner soon and things will start to get a little easier again. Here's to that!

We're moving soon, so we're starting to go through everything around here and try to get somewhat organized in preparation for the (fast-approaching) packing phase. Since I've been feeling ill, I've not been quite as productive as I've wanted, but that's alright. I can't seem to get out of the organizational mindset though, so even during my resting time I was dreaming up new ways to get organized so I can get back into writing Sunday Surf posts again. I'm going to do my best to keep doing this, even if it's only a couple of links per week!

Here are a few of the great things I've read lately:

On Mommy Guilt and Carpe Diem

A couple of my friends shared this article from Momastery on Facebook recently, and it really struck a chord with me. Glennon writes:

Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.

I know that this message is right and good. But as 2011 closes, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn’t work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life – while I’m raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I’m not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I’m doing something wrong.

I think parenting young children (and old ones, I’ve heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they’ve heard there’s magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it’s hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that  most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.

On Communication & the Parent Meeting

As I mentioned yesterday, we have started Occupational Therapy again! Today marks the end of our second week with Daniel back in OT. We opted to go for the (OT recommended) intensive program, which consists of four one-hour sessions per week for five weeks, then a two week break followed by ten more sessions. It is definitely intense. It's also a very welcome change to our (fairly isolating and unsocial) routine of staying home all day every day trying to keep Daniel fairly regulated.

Daniel took a little while to warm up to Lisa the OT, who is a very warm and caring (as well as being incredibly skilled and knowledgeable) addition to our days. However, after two weeks, he is now consistently displaying his sensory behaviors during therapy, and he's starting to show some changes at home. Not all of them are positive changes (like his new-found fear of descending from heights) but they nonetheless indicate movement (hopefully in a positive direction) so I'll take it.

Then Comes Tuesday

Things have shifted since I wrote about how I hate Mondays.

Daniel and I went on a trip that (among other things) served to distract me from how things were going at home, while also forcing Daniel out of his comfort zone (where he tends to scream less in the short term). The time away from home also had the unexpected effect of helping me to remember where my true priorities lie: Daniel and Jaymz—my family—is most important; everything else can wait.

I have a lot I'd like to write about, but I'm finding it hard to find a moment in the day to sit at my computer for some quiet "me" time. Perhaps because of the upset of the addition of Occupational Therapy (OT) to our schedule, Daniel is needing my more focused attention these days. (While I can crochet while facing and looking at him, I cannot do the same with typing.) I'm finding myself so exhausted from the events of the day that, like I did in the early newborn period, I nap when he naps.