This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how kids get involved in cooking and feeding. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
I eat whatever I want, as much as I want, whenever I want to. No guilt, no obligation.
I also don't eat something just because someone else is eating it. (You know that whole social-obligation eating thing? I don't do that anymore.) I don't eat certain foods just because they're "good for me." I get to decide what's good for me, and I'm getting more enjoyment from eating now than ever. I've allowed myself the opportunity to figure out for myself the foods that feel good to my body (like protein) and those that do not (like wheat). In doing this, I have discovered what, when and how much my body needs to eat. The wisdom my body possesses is incredible!
What's more, this way of eating has been nothing short of freeing.
Above all else, here's the conclusion I've reached about food: every "diet" is the right diet...for someone. But I don't believe that a single person can prescribe the eating strategy that's going to be the right fit for everyone. The options seem to be either to try different diets out until I find one that fits me (fairly) well, or simply stop listening to everyone else and trust my body to let me know what works for me.
This is a life lesson I really want to pass on to my son (without him having to go through as much effort as I have to get here): trust yourself always. Eating is no exception.
Just as I have nursed Daniel on request from the day of his birth, I continue to trust that he knows better than I do when he's hungry (and when he's full). Jaymz and I set up our family mealtimes to foster Daniel's innate knowledge about his body: there are always a variety of foods available, and Daniel can choose what to eat and what to leave for later. Any leftover food he chooses not to eat will be offered to him at the next meal, along with any new foods that we've made for that meal. We also provide choices for snack, and Daniel is invited to point to (or take) what he wants. Sometimes, I'm surprised at the choices Daniel makes about food. Given the choice between cheese and a green vegetable, I assume he'd always choose cheese. But I look over at him and he's munching on the green beans, having rejected the cheese. Daniel knows what his body needs most in that moment!
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Breakfast choices: peanut butter sandwich, apples, cheese, crackers, diluted "green" juice, water |
I know my toddler's eating habits have many phases to go through still before he's an adult, but this strategy of allowing him to choose for himself and follow his body's cues is working really well for us now. I hope Daniel will come to know that his body has wisdom that can't be found in a book or learned from an "expert."

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
- Baking & letting go — Cooking with kids can be a mess. Nadia at Red White & GREEN Mom is learning to relax, be patient, and have fun with the process.
- Family feeding in Child of Mine — Lauren at Hobo Mama reviews Ellyn Satter's suggestions for appropriate feeding and points out where her family has problems following through.
- Children with Knives! (And other Kitchen Tools) — Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy teaches her children how to safely use knives.
- "Mommy, Can I Help?" — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment writes about how she lets her kiddos help out with cooking, despite her {sometimes} lack of patience!
- Solids the Second Time Around — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes recounts her experiences introducing solids to her second child.
- The Adventure of Toddler Tastebuds — The Accidental Natural Mama shares a few things that helped her daughter develop an adventurous palate.
- A Tradition of Love — Kelly at Becoming Crunchy looks forward to sharing the kitchen traditions passed on from her mom and has already found several ways to involve baby in the kitchen.
- The Very Best Classroom — Alicia C. at McCrenshaw's Newest Thoughts reveals how her kitchen is more than a place to make food - it's a classroom!
- Raising Little Chefs — Chef Mike guest posts on Natural Parents Network about how he went from a guy who couldn't cook to a chef who wanted to teach his boys to know how the food we love is made.
- In the Kitchen with my kids — Isil at Smiling like Sunshine shares a delicious soup recipe that her kids love.
- Papa, the Pancake Artist — Papa's making an incredible breakfast over at Our Mindful Life.
- Kids won't eat salad? Try this one! — Tat at Mum in Search is sharing her children's favourite salad recipe.
- Recipe For a Great Relationship — Cooking with kids is about feeding hearts as well as bellies, writes Hannah at Wild Parenting.
- The Ritual of Mealtimes — Syenna at Gently Parenting Twins writes about the significance of mealtimes in her family’s daily rhythm.
- Kid, Meet Food. Food, Kid. — Alburnet at What's Next? panicks about passing on her food "issues" to her offspring.
- Growing Up in the Kitchen — Cassie at There's a Pickle in My Life shares how her son is growing up in the kitchen.
- Harvesting Corn and History — From Kenna at School Garden Year: The kids in the school garden harvest their corn and learn how much history grows in their food.
- My Guiding Principles for Teaching my Child about Food — Tree at Mom Grooves uses these guiding principles to give her daughter a love of good food and an understanding of nutrition as well as to empower her to make the best choices for her body.
- Kitchen Control — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro writes about her struggles to relinquish control in the kitchen to her children.
- Food — Emma at Your Fonder Heart lets her seven month old teach her how to feed a baby.
- Kitchen Fun? — Adrienne at Mommying My Way questions how much fun she can have in a non-functional kitchen, while trying to remain positive about the blessings of cooking for her family.
- Kitchen Adventures — Erica at ChildOrganics shares fun ways to connect with your kids in the kitchen.
- Kids in the Kitchen: Finding the Right Tools — Melissa at Vibrant Wanderings shares some of her favorite child-sized kitchen gadgets and where to find them.
- The Kitchen Classroom — Laura at Authentic Parenting knows that everything your kids want to learn is at the end of the ladle.
- Kids in the Kitchen — Luschka from Diary of a First Child talks about the role of the kitchen in family communication and shares fun kitchen activities for the under two.
- Our Kitchen is an Unschooling Classroom. — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle explores the many ways her kitchen has become a rich environment for learning.
- Montessori-Inspired Food Preparation for Preschoolers — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares lots of resources for using Montessori food preparation activities for young children in the kitchen.
- My Little Healthy Eater — Christine at African Babies Don't Cry shares her research on what is the best first food for babies, and includes a healthy and yummy breakfast recipe.
- Two Boys and Papa in the Kitchen: Recipe for Disaster? — MudpieMama shares all about her fears, joys and discoveries when the boys and handsome hubby took over the kitchen.
- Food choices, Food treats — Henrietta at Angel Wings and Herb Tea shares her family's relationship with food.
- learning to eat — Catherine at learner mummy reflects on little M's first adventures with food.
- The Night My 7-Year-Old Made Dinner — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! shares how her 7-year-old daughter surprised everyone by turning what started as an idea to play restaurant into pulling off making supper for her family.
- Cooking With a High-Needs Toddler — Sylvia at MaMammalia describes how Montessori-inspired activities and a bit of acceptance have helped her overcome hurdles in cooking while caring for a "high-needs" child.
- Kids in the Kitchen – teaching healthy food choices — Brenna at Almost All The Truth shares her belief in the importance of getting kids into the kitchen using her favorite cookbook for kids to develop healthy food choices now and hopefully into the future.
- Make Milk, Not War — Tamara at Tea for Three remembers the daily food fights as she struggled to feed a picky eater.
- teaching baby birds about good food. — Sarah at Small Bird on Fire writes about the ways in which her family chooses to gently teach their son how to make wise food decisions.
- 5 Ways to Enhance Your Baby or Young Toddler's Relationship with Food — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares simple ways to give your child a healthy beginning to her lifelong relationship with food.
- Toddler at the Table: 10 Creative Solutions — Moorea at Mamalady shares tips for preventing meal-time power struggles.
- How My Child Takes Responsibility During His Mealtime... — Jenny @ I'm a full-time mummy shares how she teaches and encourages her 32 months old son on adopting good manners and responsibilities during his mealtimes...
- Kids in the Kitchen: 6 Tips Plus a Recipe — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings shares six tips for overcoming some of the the difficulties of cooking with multiple young sous chefs, and a recipe they all can agree on!
- How BLW has made me a better parent — Zoe at Mummykins shares how baby-led weaning has changed her approach to parenting.
- My Budding Chef — Jenny at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom is no cook but is happy that her daughter has shown an inclination and manages to whip up yummy goodies for their family.
- Kids in the Kitchen: An Activity for Every Age — Gaby from Tmuffin describes how she keeps her kids busy in the kitchen, whether they are one week old or two years old.
- The Phantastically Mutlipurposed Phyllo — Ana at Pandamoly shares how Phyllo is used to create enticing dishes at home! Anything can be made into a Struedel!
- Kitchen Kids — Laura from A Pug in the Kitchen shares her children's most favorite recipe to make, experience and eat.
- Independence vs. Connection in the Kitchen: won't you please get yourself your own snack already? — Lisa at Organic Baby Atlanta wishes her daughter would just go make a mess in the kitchen. But her daughter only wants to do it together.
- Grandma Rose's Kitchen — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter reminisces about her childhood and dreams of filling her kitchen with people, love, noise, and messes.
- Healthy Food Choices for Kids — Jorje offers one way to encourage children to make their own healthy food choices at MommaJorje.com.
- Cooking food to thrive rather than survive — Phoebe at Little Tinker Tales is trying to foster a lifetime of good food habits by teaching her children about the importance of avoiding junk, cooking healthy meals, and learning about the whole food process.
- Evolution of a self-led eater — Sheila at A Gift Universe shares the story of how her son grew from nursing around the clock to eating everything in sight, without her having to push.
- 10 Ways Tiny Helps In The Kitchen — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama explores the ways in which her toddler actively participates in kitchen-related activities.
- The Complexity of Feeding a Child — Feeding children a healthy diet is no straight-forward task, but Lisa at My World Edenwild shares some general guidelines to help your child thrive.
- Lactation Cookies — That Mama Gretchen shares a fun recipe that will benefit both mamas and babies!
- 50 of the Best Books, Websites, & Resources to Inspire Kids in the Kitchen — Need inspiration to get your kids in the kitchen? Dionna at Code Name: Mama rounds up some of the best books and websites that can serve as a source for ideas, recipes, and cooking with littles fun.
- A 4-year-old's smoothie recipe — Jen at Grow With Graces and her son set out to make a smoothie without the usual ingredients. She let him improvise. See how it turned out.
- Independent Food Preparation (My Toddler Can Do That?) — Megan at Montessori Moments shares simple ways for children to prepare their own healthy snacks.
- Follow Your Gut — Amy at Anktangle shares her philosophy about intuitive eating, and how she's trying to foster her son's trust in his own inner wisdom when he feels hungry.
- A TODDLER-STYLE LUNCH + RECIPE — Manic Mrs. Stone photographs how to have messy fun during lunchtime with a helpful toddler.
Greetings from Malaysia! Hopping in from the carnival!
ReplyDeleteLove this post! That's great of you to give the freedom to your son! I've been hearing 'well meaning advices' from people about my boy's eating habit, too much oats, not enough veggies, too much water etc etc.
Heck, I'm even getting the flak when people found out I'm still nursing him (32 months old) along with his 2 months old baby sister.
~ Jenny ( http://www.imafulltimemummy.com/ )
We're quite the same with my daughter, what she wants, when she wants it and in the quantities she chooses, and she happens to be well fed and chooses the 'good food' more often than the iffy things.
ReplyDeleteMe however... that's something else. At home I eat what I want when I want, because we don't have much non-paleo things, but when I'm at another place, I get quite envious of people munching down on pastries... however, as long as I am pregnant, that's definitely not an option (well, apart from the occasional nibble), but I comfort myself with delicious smoothies.
I wish I could be one day carefree about food, but after a lifetime of food issues, a spur of boulimia and anorexia and my first doctor forced diet (which I alone had to follow) at the age of 6, i think that's not a possibility
Good for you mama!! I struggle with Kieran sometimes when it comes to sweet treats - he got a sweet tooth from someone, and I haven't been able to let go and trust that he will self-regulate. Maybe I'll experiment with that . . . I'll come to you for advice :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a liberating perspective! How true that children are as much in possession of inner wisdom as the grown-up mothers that birthed them. I feel we grown people often do not give our kids enough credit, and we rob them of the opportunity to make good decisions for themselves.
ReplyDeleteI recall sharing my dinner with my son last weekend: I had fried tofu, kale, sweet potatoes, wild rice and macaroni and cheese on my plate. I thought my son would go for the mac n' cheese first. Instead, he forked a mouthful of kale. He spit it out. Next, he took another bite. He spit it out. Three bites! He tried it three times before moving on. Now THAT is a good, college effort.
I like your perspective as well. I know I need to give a little more credence to my own kids' innate abilities to choose what they want to eat. My kids do pretty well but I am always wishing they did even better with their choices. Time and patience, I need to tell myself more often.
ReplyDeleteIt really is about modelling healthy *for you* eating habits, isn't it? Like you, I eat as much as I want of whatever I want, whenever I want it. I hate the comments from people who see me eat and they have to say "How do you stay so skinny eating like that?" For me the answer is obvious: I stay skinny because of what, when and how I eat, even though it is usually in enormous quantities! Just knowing your body and listening to its needs is the only path anyone needs to take to health and optimal living.
ReplyDeleteI agree about following Daniel's lead and teaching our children to trust their body's wisdom and intuition. I try to do that too.
ReplyDeleteI'm only just learning to do the same myself. After a life time of weight issues and pressures... As long as I don't pollute myself with sugar and gluten, then I can feel what I want and need pretty well. Otherwise it's just a case of sugar craving sugar.
I admire you and your ability in this.
I really, really love this post, Amy. Really, really, really. This is a point I've been coming to as well, but mostly out of failure of anything else to work for me. It's also been enlightening to see that it works better for Sam than anything else, and he seems to follow it naturally. If I eat what I want, when I want, as much as I want — I stay healthy. Not just at the "right" weight (because, for one thing, I'm overweight, so let's toss that out the window), but at a stable weight, but, more so, emotionally and psychologically healthy, not obsessing all day, every day over what I'm (not) eating. Anyway, thank you for saying this and telling me I'm not foolish for believing this and behaving this way.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Lauren @ Hobo Mama. What you had to say really resonates with how my husband and I are working with our 15 month old son! And, he eats such a wide variety of foods. We just make sure he has the opportunity to try them.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it amazing how much control food has over our lives until we learn to let go and trust ourselves? I am still not where you are yet, but working my way there, slowly but surely.
ReplyDeleteMy kids are all different in what and how they eat. We do allow a lot of freedom, but I definitely have a couple of sweet tooths too.
This is wonderful. I was just on Hobomama's blog complaining that my child refuses to eat almost everything BUT junk food, and although we are not dieters, we love our veggies, so it's hard to watch him refuse beans and vegetables every.single.time and ONLY eat mac & cheese, pizza, and cookies. We try to provide healthy foods for him, but then he doesn't eat them, so we get desperate and let him eat what he wants. It's become this area of anxiety for my husband and I. After reading your two blog posts, I'm thinking I just need to start thinking differently about it. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteYour aproach sounds brilliant. I have learned to trust my daughter with the quantities and whether she wants to eat, but struggle to prepare a really wide range of food. Think i'll try a bit harder and not be afraid to bring it back out at the next meal. That will definitely help.
ReplyDeleteI also love this post! We stand back and let our boys eat what their bodies tell them, and they go through stages of eating different food groups. So sometimes it's a week of mostly protein, a week of fruit and veg, a week of carbs... Does anyone else find that??
ReplyDelete@Syenna: I find that! My 4-year-old goes through definite phases, and sometimes it worries me because the "four food groups" graph is so ingrained in my psyche. But I imagine that he's getting what his body needs at that time.
ReplyDeleteThere was a study in the 1920s where babies were given a variety of foods and allowed to eat whatever they wanted. A little boy with rickets lapped up cod liver oil like there was no tomorrow. Once his vitamin D deficiency was cured, he stopped eating it. I keep that in mind when I wonder why my kid has a preference for a lot of something.
We are so on the same page! I've recently started to use my body when I go shopping, not just when I choose what to eat. It's amazing what our bodies and intuition can tell us if we're listening. I also allow the same freedom of choice for my toddler...although he still doesn't know of very many junk foods. I'm pretty sure that if he learns to eat by listening to his body that even when junk food becomes a viable option, he won't choose it every time, as you point out. Great post!
ReplyDeleteThis is fantastic... well done to you. There is far too much hype around diet etc nowadays.
ReplyDeleteAnything is fine as long as its in moderation, as my mother would say :)
My family works kind of the same way. We take it a step further though and we don't necessarily have a "family meal". My kids eat when they're hungry and not on my schedule because, like breastfeeding, they know better about when they're hungry than I do. Likewise, if I'm not hungry when they are, then I don't eat.
ReplyDeleteI believe that you're right though- there are plenty of times that rather than grab at the junk food, my kids will reach for fruit. They're not great with the veggies (my oldest will eat carrots and my youngest will eat anything but my middle son hates veggies) but for the most part, they eat what their body needs at that moment and it works well for us to. :)
Great message, one that more people need to hear and embrace. The wisdom of our bodies is incredible!
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