i keep putting off writing this story because it keeps getting longer...and i'm still not sure it's over yet...but here goes anyway [brevity is not one of my strong suits; details, however....]:
so one morning, i was minding my own business, sleeping off the hard night at work, when i am startled awake by the telephone ringing. [this was before i stopped answering the phone and started wearing ear plugs.] so in my half-awake half-asleep stupor, i answer the phone and this lady starts talking to me [i will leave out my part of these conversations--hopefully they're obvious]: "hello, is this miss temple?" ... "hi miss temple, this is [some random lady] from at&t. i am calling to confirm some information with you about your wireless account with us." ... "there was a clerical error on our end, and one of your phone numbers accidentally was deleted from your account and given to someone else" ... "yes, i know, there was no lapse in coverage, and it shouldn't affect your ability to talk on your phone or anything, i just need to set up your account with us again" ... "i know, this doesn't sound real, but i'm telling you the truth." ... "alright, thank you miss temple"
[fork: why do these people who call you in the middle of the day always say your name so many times? is it supposed to make you feel like you actually know the person? and don't get me started on the guy who kept calling me 'miss temp-lee'. stupid fuckers.]
"so this is in regarding to the number that is 503-720-[etc], this is your number, right? just a few more questions and we'll be finished...." ... "well, this number was assigned to another customer by accident, and your account was deleted, so i'll have to give you a new account number now that i've finished updating your account. do you have something to write with?" [stupid bitch, getting me out of bed for something this ridiculous.] "the number is [number] ok? now, for the inconvenience to you, we will be taking $25 off of your next month's bill" [alright, now you're speaking my language! =)] "does that sound alright, miss temple?" ... "thank you for your time, and again, i am sorry for the inconvenience. i hope you have a nice day."
what a good deal, right?! i mean, with the discount from work and this money off that bill...i think we paid what, $9 for the month? it was pretty cool. until the next month's bill came.
it was $140 or something, and i couldn't figure out how that was possible, considering i use my phone very little and jaymz uses his about 1 hour per month [maybe], and--gosh--i only sent a couple of text messages. =/ finally, [on page 4 of the bill] we figure out that we've been charged for a blackberry plan.
so i get on the phone and do the whole 'press 1, press 7, press jesus and then wait 20 minutes while listening to shitty elevator music' thing, and finally get this young girl on the phone to help me. i explain the whole thing, top to bottom, to which she says, "so, you don't have a blackberry?" ... "you've never had a blackberry??" ... "well this is just the weirdest story i've ever heard."
she gets it! =D
the sweet girl gets us all fixed up, takes the blackberry plan off of the account, credits us part of the bill, lets us know the new total, and, "is there anything else i can assist you with today, miss temple?" ... "well, thank you for your time--i'm sorry this happened [giggle]--and i hope you have a nice day."
great! fixed! bill back to a normal rate, had a nice laugh with someone who actually had a sense of humor...lovely! all is right with the world again!!
so the next week or so we get this check in the mail from at&t. it's not the $25 from the first bill, it's not the cost of the blackberry plan that she credited us on the next bill...it's some random fucking number which makes no sense at all, and we're all like, "but, we know how to subtract, you didn't have to credit us the difference on our bill, we just never paid that part" and very confused about it. i didn't deposit the check cause i thought it must've been a mistake.
alright, that's finished. no big deal, computer error.
the next month's bill comes, and--lo and behold--we've still got a blackberry! awesome.
[you know the next part] and i'm on the phone with yet another customer service rep. this lady was condescending as hell. i tell her the whole story and she's like, "but it looks like you canceled your plan and opened a new plan with us. didn't you have a blackberry before that?"
goddammit. no. that other lady woke me up in the middle of the [night] and told me this cock-and-bull story about someone being a dumbass and deleting my account--but only one of the numbers--like that makes any fucking sense. i should've gotten pissed at her and pushed for free phone service for at least 2 months.
i finally get her to cancel the plan [maybe?] and i'm asking her over and over--just to make sure--if the thing is canceled, if we're going to get a normal bill next time, if this is going to keep happening again and again...and she's just being an ass, saying "yes, yes, yes." like i'm the one who's got shit for brains and can't understand the concept. whatever. i hung up the phone, having written numbers all over the bill of what we were being credited, what we owed, etc.
but, fuck. the numbers don't add up when we go through them to make sure it's all correct. grrrr.
i called at&t back. i've memorized the options menu.
then i met victor. at this point, i had started writing down names so i know who to blame later. i explained the whole thing to him, and he still thought the computer stuff was messed up and we were going to get charged again, so he cleaned that up and was patient with me while we went over the numbers and figured out where the inconsistencies were coming from. very nice guy. very patient. definitely earning his money over there at shitty job central. [we also learned that we were allowed to deposit that check from before--yay for free money!]
sigh. so you might be thinking this is finally over, and you may be right. [i sure hope so!] but it's only the 21st of the month, and we haven't gotten our next bill yet.
i guess we'll see.